*Note: The woman in this picture is CLEARLY not me. But. But that is my exact dress and since I didn’t have anyone to do an actual photo shoot with me, this is the next best thing. Besides I’ve worn this exact variation of the outfit with similar sandals.
Three dreaded words trumpeted out of Dalit’s mouth.
“Od Me’at Kayitz.”
It was official. Radio update, small talk official.
It’s almost summer.
And you know what that means.
Jean cutoffs. Tank tops. Crop tops. Rompers in floral or tribal print. Chambray everywhere.
Don’t worry. I too feel that same heat induced outbreak of nervous eczema that comes with having to expose more skin.
I too know what it is to be epillating and shaving legs and arms twice a week so you look like an acceptibale, standard “of the norm” human woman and non ape.
I got you covered.
Introducing the all purpose overall dress.
A few essential things to know about me and fashion before we start.
We don’t get along.
Firstly, I’m a “modest” dresser (and I won’t get into the religious customs or strictures but basics, and I mean the very basics, require some sort of covering to the elbow and to the knee. And some say a few inches above that. And pants are ok…alright let’s not get into the complexities.)
So nothing low-cut, no mini skirts (there goes any 70’s retro), and absolutely no navels (bye-bye cute crop tops everywhere. Not that I’m sad to say farewell to that one. Brrr and ew and omg no one is ever seeing those rolls ever.)
Secondly, I’m low-budget. I don’t shop at Salvation Army because of the effort and lack of choice, but Forever21 is as much as I’m willing to go in terms of cash. Despite the company’s tendency to size their clothing for tiny cartoon versions of women, and despite their questionable production practices, they’re what I can afford without totally compromising on how I look. I’ll occasionally splurge on Zara or an ASOS order.
Thirdly. I have major body image issues. I have a very hard time finding any top or dress that fits my short torso, or anything that is one layer and covers all the bases. Hence why the baggy sweater of winter is my saviour.
Fourthly. I’m usually two seasons behind on any trend because of all of the above.
And to conclude the countdowns, my mom used to shop for me until I upgraded to wearing my sister’s hand me downs till I was about sixteen.
So. Don’t. Judge. Me.
The Classic Stripe.
Can’t beat a classic stripe. Good for any occasion, like trips to the market on a french bicycle with bunches of flowers spilling out of its accompanying basket (you irredimimable hipster. Jk), or for those times you have to binge Broadchurch while eating crackers and dip.
Honestly though. This 3/4 length horizental stripy T is from Forever 21 and will last you several seasons (depending on the amount of sweat stain absorption.)
Pair it with a big floral turban like headband from ASOS (sale 6.70-11.90 Canadian ), gladiator sandals, dark shades (Forever 21) and either a muddy nude lipstick or a fuscia one.
Dress is midi so no need to shave those knees. Joking. Or am I? You do you.
The Inner Paisly Power.
See, you CAN channel your inner 70’s chic. Who can resist that collar? Or those colors?
Night out at a caffe? At this point you’ll be like, ya….but I have a really cute black romper that is perfect for a beach side caffe. Well imagine you couldn’t wear rompers because the idea revolted every bone in your body. Imagine rompers were made of lava. Cool. Now back to the overall dress. And the more realistic scenario. Downtown bistro/caffe, cause you can’t afford a tropical vacation.
All you need to add to this cool and sophisticated vision of the overall ensemble is some pink metallic sandals, extra mascara, light eyeshadow, a pink lip and tan bag.
Farm hand becomes shabby chic.
The Pop Artist.
Ah, to be cute with a pop.
When you’re just feeling sad because everyone else’s summer is going better than yours just pull out the bright colors and take a stroll. Blind passersby with your florescent amazingness. And sqee a little inside that you’re outdoors in the sun enjoying the cold watermellon and the dekelim.
Grab a 3/4 length bright AF yellow top, make sure it’s tight. Cool. Now add a beige and lilac tie-dye turban headband and a bright red lipstick(Fire Truck Red Lipbalm from L’Oreal, $6.99).
End it with the piece de resistence.
Watermellon patterned espadrilles. (Wait…can espadrilles be flat? Whatever, they have canvas soles!).
Then slip on some rose gold reflective shades and voila.
Walk down that street with a pop.
The Laissez Faire Attitude.
Need to look effortlessly en vogue without trying? Want to emulate the easy elegance of a heroine in a french film?
This will make you look like a much cheaper version of that.
The off-white blouse has whimsical patterns on it like old rotary phones, birds, and other very adorable things.
The whimsy can be balanced with the glossy black shades and no nonsense olive sandals (but nude or tan works too).
Voila, c’est magnifique.
So there you have it.
Overalls dressed up, dressed…er down, but all in all, if you’re not a romper/cut offs type of girl this is a totally ridiculous guide to exploiting that one thing in your closet that is easy to wear and passes for fashion.
Not pictured here but which make good suggestions are white t-shirt with black boat neck collar, and the words “Fashion” in thin font across the front, as an undershirt to half open overall dress. (If you somehow have wire rimmed glasses a la 90’s geek chic, that works with it 😉 ). Oh, and white loafers/sneakers. Nude lipstick would go with that (may I suggest Maybelline’s Matte collection in 655?).
Now we’re ready for summer.
Bring. It. On.