Normally, I'd have resented that kind of wholesome, healthy, glowy perfection. But I couldn't. Her entrance had a very "North Witch" effect on me. She was stunning in a lulling way. Beautiful inside and out. Instead of resenting her, I trusted her. She was professional, greeting me like an adult, instead of in a condescending manner like so many healthcare professionals were prone to do.
She doesn't need to work up the courage to get a blue dyed bob she just goes and does it. Not electric blue, she’s not rock and roll enough, she’s more indie rock. So it’s a faded blue, like an ombre grey blue. Either that or dusty rose tinted hair. Because she’s vintage. A little 60’s Twiggy, a little roaring 20’s, a little vintage steampunk, a little rococo.
I was under some sort of delusion wherein I was convinced that the if I should have the urge to pee I could overcome with “Mind over Matter.” Think dry thoughts. Think dry thoughts. Think walking across the Saharah. Think parched lips. Think fast days and dust balls. Inevitably, the act of trying to concentrate on “dry things” only caused my brain to swerve and imagine fresh water falls and running taps. A crushing sensation came upon my bladder swiftly, an irrepressible force.
I wish I had the power to create my own portrait, to convey both what I feel inside and what I want the world to see. They don’t come through. The truth is hard to face and that’s why I hate the camera lens. That’s why I don’t judge the selfie taker. There is a power in framing your own image, in showing the world what you want it to to see.
There have been harder moments in your life, where you’ve tried to force revelation, hammering through the impossible.
Up that hill, according to my overdramatic mind, was the decisive knowledge that would shape the decisions of my adulthood. Would my future be filled with hope, or would it be all dark tunnels, a claustrophobic coffin-like hallway until the final hibernation? Ya. That gloomy. Because I was twenty-three and convinced that I was infertile.
Independence costs. When initially, you think you're being brave and doing the right thing, venturing into adulthood, it later becomes clear that it was all an illusion. Those ads showcasing shiny coffee dispensers and athleisure for the ambitious under 30s as the lifestyle you must have, aren't presenting the truth.